Remember Those Walls I Built
by BethSHeartbeat
Summary: He loves her and she thinks she loves him but close relationships scare her. Her walls are so high that she can't help but push him away. No one can wait forever though and even if he could, would she ever be ready?
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Gerry, _

_There's only so much time someone can wait for another person, no one can wait forever. I know this but do nothing about it. You see you've been nothing but lovely to me for years and I know you love me and I think I love you too. In my head the idea of being a happy couple sounds like a good one, in reality though I can't do it. _

_I seem to have these walls built up around me and there so high now that I can't see over them, there's no way in and there's no way out. I can't remember how long they've been there, that probably says a lot, and I don't know why they're there. I can see you're not going to set out to hurt me but despite me really wanting to, I just can't take the step forward that we both want but I so desperately fear._

_ You shower me with compliments and you're completely there when I need someone and instead of being like anyone else and accepting help, I push you away. I don't mean to do it, it just happens. I know that you won't wait for me forever and that you'll get fed up of the way I'm treating him. I do feel bad because it's not fair on you, every so often I think I'm ready and I take a little step forward and that gives you hope and then I take a giant step back. It's a dance of one step forward, three steps back. I've told you, you deserve better but you won't accept it._

_ I can't get close to people and I don't know why I can't. It gets lonely sometimes and then I have no one to turn to and that's my fault again. I can't do the whole 'I love you' or close friendship things, it's just not something I ever learnt to do. I can't do people touching me, unless I'm initiating it or a willing participant, both of which is a rarity._

_ You've got to understand though, I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to lead you on. I want to be with you, and if that's all you take from this then I suppose that's fine, I just don't know how to. Waiting for me is fine I suppose but when you get fed up, just go. Don't let me hurt you with the way I am._

_ I hope you understand. _

_Sandra x _

Now that was the easier bit of her plan done, now that she'd poured her heart onto the sheet of paper all she had left to do was send it. She had a feeling that that was going to take a lot more courage to do and courage was something she was lacking just now.


	2. Chapter 2

_My Dearest Sandra,_

_I know how much courage it must have taken you to send that letter and I really am proud of you for it. For me at least, it changes nothing. Nothing you said came as any real news to me._

_I love you Sandra, that you know, and over the years I have seen glimpses that tell me you feel the same about me. I know you're scared, I know that sometimes you're all in their flirting back with me and that other times you refuse to talk to me or reply because you're so scared. None of that matters because I have learnt how to deal with this, I know you don't think it's fair to me but if it bothered me that much then I'd have walked away by now. I'm still here though and I hope that means something to you._

_I couldn't stop loving you now even if I wanted to, you're the other half of me. Loving you is as much a part of me as my brain or my heart is. I know that you feel boxed in by these walls but what you can't see is that every day a little bit tumbles down, I can see it in the way you act. With my help, eventually you'll see the light from the outside of those walls._

_If I have to I'll wait forever for you, and that is completely my choice._

_All my love_

_Gerry xx_

The letter that she'd gotten in return was everything that in the back of her head, she'd already known but couldn't convince herself to believe. The letter had been hard enough to send and she decided to post it through his door one day, meaning she wouldn't be able to quickly retrieve it and run. Clearly he wanted to repeat the action as she found his letter on her hall floor.

She knew that the wall around her was beginning to tumble, and that was down to Gerry. For once she dared to dream of a life where she was unrestricted, because she knew that the day when that would be a reality was fast approaching.

**A/N I know this is short but it just needed quickly tying up, so here we are.**


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